Sa-Ra : Friendship
10 September 2013
Tonight, beloved friends, I would like to cover an aspect of consciousness that is little discussed. And that is the development of spiritual growth that friendship brings and triggers.
How is friendship relevant to our growth, our expansion of consciousness and our personal healing within? You may well ask. Friendship can be both a gift and a mirror and thus in the main, the provider of many great lessons. If we allow it. Sometimes it can even be a curse, as some might describe it, filled with darkness and pain and betrayal. These are no lesser gifts, yet they are generally perceived as such.
Sometimes a friendship is merely for a season. Others last a lifetime. But most seem to span somewhere in the middle of these. It is our human needs that draw us in, especially where there is a particular resonance with an-other. Which impulses us into being desirous of a closer bond with someone. It is often also a soul agreement at work on a higher level and thus a fulfillment of an obligation; a duty to the Self and the other.
Friendship can be a many faceted experience and its influence can vary over one’s life – from superficial to intense bonds bordering on co-dependency. And while the exchange of this energy may be supremely comforting, as these cords of attachment grow ever thicker over time, often this results ultimately in a power struggle. Even if it’s never acknowledged as such externally - as the entire struggle may take place on the inner planes. This is one of the things we mean by ‘great lessons’ provided in friendship.
Some friendships become such a necessary ‘escape’ from other commitments or abusive scenarios in one of the party’s life, that the comfort, soothing and validation provided by the friendship may often become the mainstay of the life of the one (or both) experiencing suffering of this type.
The element that best fuels inner growth in friendship is based on the fact that friendship is an intimate relationship between two –regardless of gender. Yet it is not that intimate that it crosses lines or promises to replace the relationship you have with your partner. That is not its function. However, friendship can serve interchangeably and momentarily as both of these at different times, fulfilling very personal needs.
Friendship can also often do what an intimate relationship with a partner perhaps cannot achieve. And that is to hold up that mirror to you that you might see yourself more clearly; more objectively. And because of your regard for your friend, you will wish to know and understand what it is your friend perceives. And therein lies the gift to you.
Of course, this can and does work both ways. If both are open to such an exchange.
More importantly, friendship can be close enough, without being too close in that manner that might offend or upset. And this level and type of intimacy is perceived as the delicate balance required to both mutually inspire, comfort and challenge simultaneously.
We are not here talking of the friendships developed out of romantic partnerships. As valuable as these might be. But those that are purely platonic and remain so for the duration of the friendship.
Somehow friendships are often perceived as filling the unfilled gaps of a romantic relationship. And the unfulfilled dependency is moved from the intimate relationship to the friendship. This is unhealthy, beloveds. Of course, dependency on and within the romantic relationship is in itself, unhealthy.
But what this ‘transference’ does essentially is defer dealings and confrontations necessary in the romantic relationship. While at the same time setting yourself up for failure in the friendship in some way by storing an increasing amount of emotional energy into it. And thus expectations.
And in scenarios like these inevitably the bottom will, sooner or later, drop out.
The healthiest way to relate within a friendship while still deriving maximum benefit of the gifts it brings is to love one another as one does a family member, yet still maintain some level of healthy and respectful space from one another. That you can appreciate one another fully at all times, be aware and open to all that is being brought forth for your learning and enjoy that special space that has been created by the two of you; just for the two of you.
This is all for now, beloveds.
As always, it’s my pleasure and delight to share with you.
Until the next
Your beloved Sa-Ra