I AM Present

I AM Present

Tuesday, August 9, 2016


[Part 2 posted here on 14 June, but not related]


7 August 2016

I’ve been compelled to share what happened last year – undoubtedly the most traumatic series of experiences of this incarnation for me.

I ‘ve messed around for more than a week, mulling it over. And protesting a bit as to how this could possibly benefit others. But really, that was an excuse. Because who am I to say what will or won’t be of use to another. And if this is what’s required of me, then...here it is.

Fact is, writing about it is a painful and shit-scarey process.
It means momentarily re-living the trauma through dredged-up memory and returning to a place within that I’d much rather leave dead and buried.
But sometimes – for all of us – you have to go back in order to go forward in a free-er manner.

When I recently wrote a story on the psychological and emotional trauma an entire generation were suffering as a result of violence in a nearby drug and gang infested township, it became very personal for me.

People were being shot mercilessly in broad daylight and abnormal violence levels was the norm there. Along with a community of kids being exposed to dead bodies, amongst many other unsavoury activities.

I couldn’t identify directly with any of it as it wasn’t part of my own experience. But when I had to interview a psychologist
for the piece who outlined all the symptoms of a child in trauma, I kept silently repeating as she spoke: ‘But this is me”, “that’s me” and “that’s my reaction”.

I realized I’d been suffering a kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) since last year. Perhaps not restricted to that, but my entire life. Last year’s events just served to compound forgotten childhood trauma.

I was violated last year. Intensely. I was tortured so severely that death – if I could be assured of having it in totality – was a dream I hankered after and I perceived it as my one salvation.
My violation was a spiritual, energetic, etheric and subtle body one and was perpetrated on me by the ones I call the darkies: the anti-Christ earth beings, invisible satanics and their darkie off-worlder counterparts that enslave them.

I say it ‘happened’. Nothing ever really just ‘happens’ though.
Just prior to this I went into a deep state of self-punishment, beating up on myself for not being able to ‘get myself spiritually right with God’. At that point I unwittingly opened myself up to the darkest of the dark of experiences. Without any kind of conscious realization or desire.

Just before this, my dream life had been unsettling, but I didn’t pay that much attention to it as I’d experienced similarly in cycles before that. I put it down to clearing.

There I was one day early last July feeling good and quite suddenly, waking up the next with my solar plexus chakra, especially the silver cord area above it, and my base chakra pulsating like crazy.
It felt like an invasive type of pulsation, not a healing/clearing type. It felt as though something was being stripped from the chakras, sucked from them. Or blasted with something very nasty. Or both. Over days this moved to my crown and 3rd eye. It felt more like a shutting down.

I knew something terrible was in the making, but I just didn’t know what. And I was in a state of torment – not knowing what was going on so I could try to alter it.

By the time that chakra-wacking ended, no sooner did the next phase of torture begin.
This consisted of exactly 14 days of sleeplessness. Whatever time I fell asleep at each night, I was forced awake every hour thereafter at exactly the same time. If I fell asleep at 11.15 pm, I would be awoken at 12.15, 1.15am...all the way through till 7.15.

Sleep deprivation is a well known torture method used in detention centres, which I believe is also a Satanic Ritual Abuse method I didn’t know about then. It ensures victims remain at their weakest and most vulnerable. Essentially this is one of many Negative Alien Agenda mind control trauma-inducing means. From what I now understand, everything that is imbalanced within us originates from their mind-control programmes.

I could never, therefore, have the refreshment that deep sleep brings as my body and mind was kept permanently in that semi-conscious mode. Also, this is the state ideal for programming the mind.

I was a total mess and as the days passed, I put down my diarrhoea, inability to physically shed a tear and general numbness, a digestive system turned upside down, permanent shaking (like an alcoholic) and many other symptoms as a nervous system response to being in a permanent altered sleepless state.
It was that, but it was also a lot more than that.

More importantly during that same period, my usual previous conscious dreaming seemed to vanish. I began dreading falling into my semi-conscious sleep state. Especially knowing the darkies were at the ready with dreams they wanted to insert. And they did it repeatedly. Repeating is another essential tool for the NAA mind control programmes. Whether that's repeating songs you enjoy or memories you're attached to or obsessive-compulsive behaviours/addictions. If that doesn't work, they move to wherever there are weaknesses - like in the feelings of victimhood. That's where you find yourself blaming something/someone outside of yourself for your negative feelings or life circumstances. And you thought it all originated with you?

I was taken at night and forced into the same living mind movie repeatedly. It was the one thing they wanted me to wake up remembering. I say ‘forced’ because as soon as I fell asleep, my consciousness was immediately entrapped by the darkies.

This is what I was shown in the mind movie. I was to be used for the extraction of my DNA from my soul essence. The scene given to me was horrific. Worse than anything from a sci-fi or horror movie.
In it I was suspended – a bit like in the movie ‘Coma’, and my ‘essence/DNA’ was being transferred to another clone-like version of me. But there wasn’t a point where it ended. The real me, my body and soul just lay there...forever suspended in a kind of no man’s land.
While the cloned version - attached by tubes - siphoned off me.

I was given to understand this cloned version of me was to be showcased in the coming DNA-trade in the world where human-artificial intelligence combined and became the world’s foremost ‘industry’ of the darkies. Which was really serving their off planet darkie masters, who’s plan this was for earth and her people.

My capture was considered some kind of accomplishment for them – it would be a prototype for them that they would financially profit off in a big way. They were working on taking down others, too, at that time. Some of them known to me.

I, the real me in that reality, was not alive and nor was I dead. But I was consciously being forced to experience this no man’s land– as a prisoner for eternity! I was a type of zombie. I was alive, but wasn’t living, yet nor would they let me die. I begged repeatedly.

The psychic, spiritual and emotional pain and torment I felt was huge. I was way off kilter and there were all manner of ‘breakdowns’ in my house and with my car. I lost keys, dead cats were dumped outside my front door and all in all, the signs and manifestations were merely a reflection of my inner state. As they are for us all. A darkness of such great and all-encompassing magnitude befell me. It felt like I was locked into something from the area of the crown chakra and down.

I, in turn, no matter how good my intentions, began poisoning everyone who entered my space with that darkness. I became totally repellant to all people; they sensed and felt what was wrapped around me. That was most people, except those already so overtaken by the darkness themselves – I’m thinking of two crazed ‘Christians’ I had encounters with, in particular. Concerns for my physical health had led me to these interactions. These two claimed they wanted to help. In my non-discerning desperation I accepted. Until I discovered they were themselves just being unwittingly used to attack and harm me further by the satanics.

The last thing I wanted to do was harm others, so I largely cut myself off from almost everyone. I interacted with others as little as I could. And I always requested my guardian angel to ensure as priority that anything within me that could harm others was blocked and kept within my own field alone.
I was devastated and realized there was now practically no reason to remain alive.

As I knew it would, the rapid contamination of my own body poisoning accelerated. Fibroids that I’d been trying to shrink for two years began growing at a momentous rate weekly. What began as a small cluster at the site of my left ovary in my uterus, sprouted exponentially into further clusters all over my lower organs. Just like at the etheric level, this was the final physical body invasion made manifest. Just a few short months later my belly inflated into what looked like an 8 month pregnant woman’s belly.

The biggest danger was the fibroids were now pressing on all my other organs and they were becoming dysfunctional. One day I was sitting working on my laptop in a coffee shop and suddenly couldn’t breathe properly. The fibroids had begun pressing on organs that had reached all the way up to my lungs.

I’d tried 15 or 16 natural remedies that wouldn’t or couldn’t work. As if something was blocking them or something in me was overriding them. And that was that the contamination which had began at the etheric levels had spread...everywhere. Into my body and home both. For the first time in many years, home was not the welcoming, comforting sanctuary I had always known it to be.
All types of dark entities were running amock there and causing utter chaos. One day I nearly had a fire due to a perfectly good electrical cord charging my laptop. I was urged to turn around and see the cord smoking just a moment before there would have been an electrical short and possibly damage to my laptop. Satanics can and do work through electricity.

My cat family was extremely agitated and the kitten was the most verbal about it all. An equally traumatic experience for her (she was another 'returnee' - a soul who'd been with me a few years before, now looking slightly different. Some kitties, like humans, are just suckers for punishment :-)Most of them preferred sleeping outside during this nearly six month journey of mine to hell, even in the middle of winter and who could blame them.
It was a tortuous time for them too – being with me, seeing all that was occurring within and around me and not being able to get through to me about it.

In retrospect, my cats gave me a range of clues- most of which I didn’t pick up on consciously. But even if I had, I wouldn’t have known which tools to use to prevent such an onslaught. Mainly because I didn’t understand properly what had occurred then and why. I only knew I had opened myself up – at some unknown level of my being – to horrific spiritual abuse and torture. The likes of which I never knew existed.

The thing is, that even while struggling and fighting in those depths of the murky quicksand that was my life for nearly six months, I never gave up on God. It was the one thing that they couldn't strip me of. And, in fact, it was during this phase that my connection to my God spark grew stronger, ironically.
I knew I was severely limited in who I could attract to help me from the Lighted realms, but that didn’t stop me from calling. Nor did it stop me from sending the Light out, because I realized I still had the power of choice. Each and every day.

More importantly, I finally began to live in the moment in an entirely new way. Each 24 hour period was a new opportunity for me. There was no tomorrow. Only my creation of it in my choices and reactions in and on any given day of life. I fell deeper in love and in gratitude for the glory and beauty of God's creation everywhere: the singing of the birds, a baby's gurgling laughter, flowers blooming, the artistic design of the clouded sky by day and much more.

Each day was a new chance to have the insights and act upon them that I might clamber my way up and out of the literal hell hole I’d created.
It was in the acceptance of this, which I had created, that I found a measure of peace. Despite all and everything that had and was occurring, knowing that my God spark remained intact was something of a miracle, in my perception.

Even as I chose to raise my vibrations daily in this way, so God began speaking to me. Through the channelled works of others - two most notably. Sometimes a third. With the woman it was several times weekly. At first, I couldn't quite believe I warranted such attention, being where I was.

When God/the Father within/Thought Adjuster of others' know and publicly speaks about your most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences, you can't not pay attention. So I did. Even though I wasn't consciously hearing my own inner God, I was still getting merciful counsel as to how to deal with life and myself in this way.

But fact was, this was nothing new and had been occurring for quite a few years - through a range of other sources. Not quite with the same intensity, though. I had to keep reminding myself of that to accept that this miraculous assistance was there for me - even in my most dismal state of consciousness!

And the assistance through those two sources, in addition to signs in my daily life was what took me to the next level and my way out. This was taking charge of my thoughts and feelings in an entirely new, responsible fashion.

Though I could and did speak to my God spark and was grateful for each new day of new opportunity, I simultaneously truly wanted to end this life and wrote my will out and entrusted it to several friends.

A trusted person with vision came to visit. Without me saying a word he told me everything in my house – food and water included – was poisoned. He asked how I felt when I slept elsewhere. I felt far better and clearer when I slept over at friends’ houses, which was only occasional. But I was always worried about having a negative impact on them energetically and often spent sleepless nights there.

I could see no way out. Only a day by day growing awareness of what I needed to do. Still, I could see no long-term existence for me in that dark-enshrouded state. And nothing was given to me to hope for anything different.

Certain that anything had to better than this etheric trap all my subtle bodies were in, and with a growing desperation for change, I began devising ways to kill myself. But after a while knew that that wasn’t the answer; not in the long-term for my soul. It only occurred to me much later, that those longing-for-death thoughts were not mine, either. They'd very easily been implanted to look and feel like my own.
At that point, even uncreation seemed like a better option than where I was. And I was ready to accept whatever would be given to me on the soul level.

I was followed by unknowns in vehicles at night during this period, saw hard, rectangular black, ‘invisible’ stationary airborne craft (yes, some aspects of my clairsentience/psychic abilities were unbelievably still working!) and a few folks that I did visit all had similar weird calls from unknown persons, within minutes of my arrival there.
A message to me my every move was being tracked?

I was certain I was going to meet with an ‘accident’(also another implanted thought/feeling I wasn't conscious of at the time). And that, once in hospital, I would either be declared dead and my body removed to a particular location where the dreamtime, other reality given me would begin for real. Or an even worse fate awaited me on the non-physical dimensions...