In this moment of the eternal now, You call me to focus on You. For You are nothing more than my personal pot of gold at both the end, beginning and in the middle of the rainbow. You/we are the very rainbow itself; in our Oneness it is what we are. The eternal, infinite rainbow of all the colours of our love.
I live alone. Though I’m not alone at all on my life journey – and neither are any of you. It’s not that I don’t or haven’t wanted an intimate relationship with another human being. Of course I have, and do. It is natural to want to share life with an-other and I’m no exception.
Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m just not prepared to compromise on anything less than what my God Self/HS wants for me. Nothing else will succeed. If I have another relationship, my primary one will continue to be with God, while the secondary one will be with my human partner. It will be a win-win affair that way. I’ve known this for many years.
It therefore almost goes without saying that the human relationship will be the ultimate in mutual support, understanding, expansion and thus, soul growth. More importantly, it will also be a very profound form of service to others in its positive impact on lives around us. But that will be for whenever it will be. I’m neither desperate nor do I yearn for this as my focus is currently very much elsewhere.
In the meantime and as the many years have passed, I increasingly find myself growing further into my understanding, knowing and feeling of life with and in God - my true eternal partner in life and love. My primary relationship.
And thus do I grow further away from those romantic offers by a myriad (of mostly much younger) people who I interact with here in this, my little corner of the planet. I know with certainty and in advance, any/all of these would be unnecessary distractions and cause nothing but hurt for them. And I would only create for myself an energetic mess, unfulfillment and a diversion away from my One Heart of God within.
The fact is I am already spoken for. I AM crazy in love with that force that governs my life – exclusively! And I can’t possibly think of being a cheat. Not when God’s One Heart has been waiting for me forever.
In my three conscious years of this dawning upon me, I have been dipping in and out of love and Oneness. Sometimes withdrawing/ignoring my One Heart (without conscious realisation) and other times returning to that love. It is I that has ever been the inconsistent partner. While my One Heart has never left me, has never waned in love and always been here with and for me.
When my hardness on or rejection of myself was so strong and all-consuming, I automatically shut God/my OH out – without consciously knowing why. Ditto when my focus was on how incapable or inadequate I felt so I could move forward in life and in greater connection with God/OH.
I now know this sort of harming of the self are some of the ways we take ourselves away from our true and beautiful Selves. It is like an imposed separation. It is then we cannot feel God’s love. These are the times when we turn our backs on God and walk away. It’s when we close the door on loving.
My heart belongs to God. It ever has been. It is what I have always sought. Though I didn’t always know that.
For me and according to my character in this lifetime, I interpret these impulses from that deeper place as romantic. It is a romantic relationship in my experience; the greatest love story ever lived. How is such a love even possible, I often ask myself. It’s one where the highs of the honeymoon stage somehow never loses its thrills; where the sense is only of growing ever closer towards even more love.
Not everyone will understand this, of course. And that’s fine too. I’m not out to prove anything to anyone. I’ve been there and done that. But yes, to those people, some of this may sound either fantasical, escapist or narcissistic. While other ‘realists’ may scoff at and laugh it all off.
Thing is, this relationship is open to every and anyone who so chooses to seek it out – that’s the beauty. Though, being unique, each of us will experience that love relationship which lives within us, differently.
I totally understand the scoffers as a good couple of decades ago while flitting around on the New Age circuit, I developed a very serious aversion to the ‘love and light’ brigade, as I called them. In the first instance, I struggled to understand this love that everyone around me talked about constantly and claimed to be feeling, some or all of the time. And secondly, even then I knew something fake was going on and that this love was also being used as a denial mechanism to avoid examining the truths of our full selves and the darkness and negativities of our world.
I think it was then that I decided to commit to being a truther, rather than a lover. Somehow truth came first for me and it was my perception then that truth and love could not simultaneously co-exist.
As the years passed I never could grasp what all the fuss was about, apropos love. Though that didn’t stop me from developing compassion, empathy and emotional intelligence – necessary for me to give from as pure a place as I was capable of. But something was still missing…
I have always been quite an intense character in my intimate relationships. That intensity has now been transferred into my obsession for the eternal, infinite love – which lives in my partnership with God. Which lives in my very own Self.
It is my good fortune, my blessing, that some days I naturally find mySelf…and feel the love that I AM. In those moments I AM greedy for more and more. But it isn’t so much to have it for mySelf that I seek it with such ardour. I am greedy to have it so I can spread it, sprinkle it, throw it into the wind that the wind may catch and disperse (like the process of flower pollination) the seeds of this love to all those who would receive of it. To all and any of the precious souls on this planet. Because giving out is a natural next step to receiving.
So you see, my personal relationship with Him is ever intertwined with the world’s. As is all of yours. For, in truth, this is God’s journey we walk and it is His One Heart we must align to that His walk through us, in service to all His children on earth, is a successful one as per His will.
Love Unlimited – It may Be Winter Outside, But In My heart It’s Spring