11 February 2017
I was recently looking back at some old notes made from years ago for my still as yet-unfinished book. I was a rather lusty and sometimes predatory wench in my approach to relationships when I decided who I would be involved with.
Often the hunt was better or as good as the kill for me. And often I would tire easily of the person once the shine had worn off. Except for those few that I was also best friends with. But by and large, it was more often than not a case of leave them – before they could leave and hurt me. This was very much part of my relationship pattern and a result of feelings of abandonment as a child.
But here I am now, sitting in my garden with our green and red chested local sunbirds singing up a storm, settling on this bush and that tree. In between, I’m having a marvelous communion with TATA.
What I’m thinking is that the beauty of the relationship with God/your I AM/God complex is that it never gets stale like the human relationship. A relationship living in God as He is in you, means the honeymoon period never ends. It’s all-ways thrilling, all-ways new and all-ways a pleasure. At least, it is for me.
I am exceedingly grateful to have experienced every (seemingly)tiny moment, exchange, inspiration, idea, motivation and so much else from and with God.
The past 1.5 years has been the best in this regard. Though it’s sometimes come and gone, it’s been the most consciously-connected period to God’s presence I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing in this lifetime.
There is nothing and no one else in human form that can be what God is to me. Likewise, I feel that to be the same for all of us. His presence within us is all-encompassing, all-embracing and it is infinitely expansive. Though I’ve always physically wanted to hug God too.
When I’ve asked questions in the past about soulmates, it’s been made clear that soulmates serve Him through and with one another. Or we serve one another through and with Him. In so doing, we are better-equipped as the ‘two or more in His name’ to serve in the world together and as per guidance received.
And through our soulmate we would be able to do that one thing that we cannot do alone in physicality – and that is to hug God through and with the other. Even though we can embrace and be embraced at the non-physical level.
I know all that might sound obvious, but at the time I wanted to know more about the dynamics of soulmates.
I was given a visual of a giant egg cracked vertically into two halves that represented the soulmates. Two halves of the whole egg living in God’s amniotic fluid or force.
By the same source (can’t remember who now) I remember hearing that soulmates come together already whole - not imbalanced or in neediness - when we do finally connect. Then all we do is enhance the living experience of each other, in and for and with God.
At that point there is growth and expansion for the individuals that is harmonious, rather than conflictual because we’ve already healed ourselves into that (returned) wholeness within Him.
That was given when I understood a lot less about this - our primary relationship as being in and with God first.
To get back to my individual experience, I’m not exaggerating to say I live for these interactive moments in God. I hunger and thirst for them when, sometimes days pass, and I haven’t (for one reason or another) had my God fix!
The thing is, this communication has become central to my existence. And the upside of working from home primarily means I don’t have the pressure of having to rush off to an office and I can take time out to connect with my environment.
There’s time to feel and think or muse over one of my many questions and wait to have God/the universe send me a sign directly.
Riding the ups and downs of the human consciousness extreme adventure is certainly not for the faint-hearted. It wasn’t years ago and it’s far less so now. What with the terrified darkies engaged in their battle against us (even though it’s one sided as some of us aren’t fighting back), at every turn and level – as they increasingly lose control.
It’s only a two way battle between opposing forces if you create the opposition by fighting back.
That’s the mistake we can easily make, feeding the parasitics further power and I should know, if anyone.
Withdrawing that power and using it instead to plug into your I AM/God within/God complex, forces, whatever term you’d like to refer to, is far more productive, healing and centering.
Why? Because you are choosing the Real You and your sovereignty=your freedom in that moment. Rather than to identify with your limited, fear-driven ego that eggs you on to fight back.
A deeper relationship with God relies on us bringing our whole self to Him. The more whole we are, the more of Him we can have/opens up to experience. And why the work on self is crucial.
Because I’m learning increasingly how to live in the moment (which the ego hates, by the way), I have less and less desire to know about what tomorrow may bring.
Yes, of course I care. But I cannot invest any more energy into speculating on the future, especially as today I’m creating more of it for tomorrow. Besides, I’ve never been one who’s been given to know either who I am or what I’m here for. Nor had anything confirmed other than subtle suggestion, that is.
Besides that, the timelines on this planet have shifted radically, it seems. I’ve been through two such personal experiences myself – one during the first 10 days of September last year and another during the first week of January this year.
These strange nightly events felt like I was experiencing the spin-drying part of a washing machine cycle all through the night. Like I was being tumbled or spun through and across lifetimes/timelines/universes. Or all.
I woke every morning feeling completely ungrounded, disorientated and couldn’t think straight for the entire period. I later heard I was 'living out’ a different lifetime/s or timelines – every night! I didn’t check the source at the time, but it kind of felt right to me.
It hardly makes sense to me...except in light of what’s happened/hasn’t between then and now.
'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy'. by Francis Bacon/Shakespeare comes to mind.
All I know is that many more moments of each day's simplicity and beauty returns me to that 5 year old feeling of wonder and awe in all of God’s creations. I’ve always had a strong child-like streak that’s remained intact and delight in the experience of God’s presence in many places. Including his kingdoms: the birds, insects, flowers, trees, clouded sky, waves, domestic and wild animals and much more.
Every single day is a new one and new opportunity to transcend limitations, that we may become whole. You can’t fully love yourself until you are. In turn, in fully loving yourself, you get to access so much more of God. Then you naturally are unconditionally loving towards others. I know I've said this more than once before. Please bear with me as it's my current focus. And I’ve seen this in the past few days in my life – being good to myself first is being good to God, to put it that way.
I realize more now that every bit of growth depends on how we first see ourselves; our perception.
Being in love, in awe and celebrating ourself first opens the flow of love between us and God. Some would argue that it’s already opened. Yes, it is. Except when you’re not identifying with that Real You. Which for most of us used to be most of the time. I say ‘used to be’ as God’s helping to cleanse and raise our consciousness now.
Personally, I don’t think I’ve experienced as many insights – and hopefully growth with it - in this entire lifetime of being awake as much as I have during the past two or three months.
Let the glory of God rise and shine from every crack and crevice.
Thanks be to Him.