Once upon a time there was a child who was blessed and who was a blessing.
She had parents (her gods, as they are to all growing children), who themselves did not know who she was. Mostly because they didn’t know who they themselves were. Nor were they able to provide a supportive and unconditionally loving environment that would help nurture the child’s soul, mind and body that she could grow with a strong and positive sense of her own glorious Self.
So, as it was and is for many beautiful young ones, she grew. But in and with a sense of lack. Lack of love led to feelings of sorrow, guilt and pain.
In turn, the girl sought ever harder over the years to fill the emptiness and the lack within during her teens and twenties.
Her battered heart was ever seeking others and conditions that might help heal her heart. But to no avail. She even crossed mountains, valleys, oceans and desert to find the One who would be her savior, who would offer her the magic healing balm for her inner wounds.
In fairness, it was not for this reason alone she travelled. She travelled because she was compelled to do so and in so doing, discovered the richness of the peoples’ of the world. Though she wasn’t aware at the time, the deeper purpose of her sojourn was in the anchoring of higher energies - a job she undertook on behalf of the Lighted realms.
Many years passed and numerous ones came close to the woman, now a mother, but there was no perfection to be found in these, though some of the wiser ones came close to fulfilling her. Yet these would always be a temporary kind of fulfillment. She realized that no woman or man could provide her with the salve-ation she needed.
One day long after and now a mature woman, she finally came across the One – God within her. TATA (‘father’ in Xhosa), as she later called him, had opened a door and she was in touch, quite consciously for the first time with the source of her true salve-ation.
It was a moment of great joy for the woman to be in possession of this experience. She felt ‘found’ and the sense of being lost for many decades past had vanished.
All she had learned of life, herself and people meant nothing in comparison with this new adventure that had opened up right within her very being.
She felt both directed anew and filled, as if for the very first time. And with that came a new and different set of priorities. And a different way to live her daily life – anew; one day at a time.
The woman had been brought to this place and been gifted with this knowing in her very darkest hour.Perhaps because of it? Yet and despite this, the battle within herself was far from over.
Paradoxically, though she had as was given to her – a new lease on life - in this gifting, the inner God experience had come up against her base and very powerful be-lie-fs about herself, begun in that childhood of lack.
She was therefore something of an anachronism - a living, walking, talking,contradiction.
At once she felt the great godliness in her spirit and in her e-motional and mental embracing of this, her True Self. Yet simultaneously was she one who continued to allow the destructive self be-lie-fs to hold her hostage at the deeper levels of her mind.
The latter produced the accompanying e-motions and inner conflict reigned supreme.
It was all the woman could do. She was living with what she had been given to live with. For her consciousness, including her mind, her ego and subconscious, was ultimately of God. This was part of the package of her particular physicality.
As the woman struggled daily, fighting the vagaries of her human mind, she awoke one morning with a new insight. This was that the very ‘fighting against’ had been a major obstacle in her course.
With all her innate wisdom, she realized she had allowed the vagaries of her mind to rule her, her existence and thus creations. Not only to rule her, but also allowed the deception and treachery of a very frightened ego to take the upper hand.
The realization of this produced a further dilemma. There had to be a way to take permanent control and ownership of all her known and unknown aspects of mind and self. There had to be a way to subjugate all of it, that it would know in no uncertain terms who the true master of it was. Which was, of course, the woman! And had been all along.
Due to this split in her consciousness, she surmised, amongst other things the woman had experienced a lengthy period of a suppressed dream state. This was far from being the lucid dreamer she had been for years. And though she couldn’t be sure, it felt as though some of these parts of her were doing things in that state that were not always in accord with the Laws of God. This possibility disturbed her deeply.
There was only one thing left to do – and that was to entirely surrender all of herself into the loving hands of her God Self and Higher Self.
She had been doing this since her revelation, in bits. Now, though, was time for all of it to be surrendered. The woman wanted nothing more than to lose all of her little self identity in totality to the will of her God complex. She daydreamed about it – for she was a big dreamer.
She craved that state, with every conscious ounce and inch of herself.
She intended, commanded and declared. Then she did nothing at all for a week at a time. And still...she seemed to continue to go around in circles.
Was the desiring and efforting to be an instrument of God just not enough? If not, why not?
She had God-given gifts in abundance that blessed her life, but yet...
The woman would go to sleep so very resolved. But on waking in the morning she would see, through various clues in her environment, that she hadn’t managed to sustain her previous day's growth. It was as if someone or something had placed a blockage in her path during dream time. This happened way too often for comfort – or to ignore.
The woman despaired.
It was yet another ploy by an ego who’s tricks seemed to know no bounds. But she had grown wiser to its wily way. And this time she was having no more of it!
Then she hit upon a new idea. Of course, this was God’s idea, implanted within, as all ideas are. Now that she had stopped battling ‘against’ something and had instead sought unity with her TATA, her God within, it was time for the next step. That of creating with image-i-nation.
Somehow and for some unknown reason, image-i-nation had never been part of her questing. She was incredulous on realizing this, being one who’s profession had been a creative one for years.
She found that image-i-nation, visualization and affirmation were indeed a great combo for expanding her experience in God.
Using certain affirmations and commands, the ego was slowly being stunned into increasingly-greater silence. It was her will that God’s will be done in and through her for His fulfillment, after all.
Now she was on a roll. Acutely conscious of her thoughts and feelings that created diversion or a downward spiral into lower frequencies, she took charge of herself in a whole new way.
But of course who was to know the truth of what motivated all this, as this was also the period God had chosen to enter, shift and change human consciousness and (en)Lighten the load on the planet.
She had grown used to being very grateful for her good days. Good days were when nothing could pull her down; she was God-locked (kind of like lip-locked except without the lips). And there followed many good days that produced that longed-for consistency.
Where the woman had somehow previously lost herself in self-conscious shyness in public to the point that it trussed her up so much that she could hardly breathe at times, now her daily mandate to enter her world and spontaneously uplift others worked naturally. Previoulsy, there had always been a level of discomfort around that. Not so anymore.
Sharing more of her personal trials and tribulations that others might identify and /or be helped in some way would come next.
Each day she reminded herself of how God and the Universe loved, appreciated and were grateful for her presence on earth.
How, then, could she possibly not do the same to and for herself?
How could she not feel and know the beauty of all her most precious and treasured God Self?
And so continues the twists and turns of this one woman’s journey – back to the love of her own True Self as God and God as herSelf.
SK: I don’t know why, but I was impulsed to write this in 3rd person. I may or may not find out the reason in due course...